Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
