and she was petting her beer can
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
