My first STD was from a foam party
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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