DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
