doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
