Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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