Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
