yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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