She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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