Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
