Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
