She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
