Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
