Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
