i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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