tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
