There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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