I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize