Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
