sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
