Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
