Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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