dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
