you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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