Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
