So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
