I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize