and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize