i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you made out with another girl for some wings
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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