I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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