her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Randomize