I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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