we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
