the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
