What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
