Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
