Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
