I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
