I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This girl is more easily done than said...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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