so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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