Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
