I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
