i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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