found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
