Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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