I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
