I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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