Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
