My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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