I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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