if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
