im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
