Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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