Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize