Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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