I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
