he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
