don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
