Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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