Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
where are my eyebrows?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
