The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
