Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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