We won't sleep together?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
