apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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