oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
