Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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