love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
