Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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