I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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