Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
